The emotional turbulence you may feel when you face separation or divorce can be overwhelming to say the least.
Separation or Divorce is a loss. You must grieve to heal. Be gentle with yourself. Everyone grieves differently. Don’t compare your process with others’.
Once you pass through the initial stages of grief such as denial, fear, bargaining, sadness, emptiness and other emotions, you will get to acceptance.
In most cases, it is at the stage of acceptance that you can now begin to take control over your emotions as you go through the motions of separation or divorce.
How to process your emotions through separation or divorce
By now, you have probably passed through the most emotionally difficult time .You survived it (as most do) and you realize that you truly are stronger than you ever imagined. You are a survivor! Yes the pain is still there, but you are now able to think and function clearly.
This is the time to take control over your true healing so that you don’t hold resentment, anger or other negative emotions towards your newfound reality or you ex partner.
8 Steps to Heal your Pain:
- It is crucial to understand that you cannot control what anyone does. The only person you can control is you. No matter what your ex partner did, does, or will do, know that you cannot control it, so you need to find your peace with it.
- Stand for something. When you do that, you stand in your power. One thing you can take a stand for is that you will never beg anyone to love you. If a person does not or cannot appreciate you for who you are, then they don’t deserve to be in your life.
- Reflect on your marriage/partnership. We all make mistakes. Take note of how you showed up in your marriage. How you acted, reacted, perceived, or expected things to happen.
- Now take a look at your partner/spouse. Reflect on how they showed up, acted, reacted, perceived and expected.
- Stop blaming them for what they did to you. This is not to take them off the hook or condone their actions but more about healing your pain.
- We are all responsible on some level in everything that happens to us. It could be, for example, that you never spoke up and your partner learned to make all decisions. Take responsibility for your part. Own it. There is no shame.
- Reflect how both of you were responsible for the events that lead to the breakdown of the relationship. Again, if you never spoke up and allowed them to decide on all major events, you may have built up resentment for them.
- Notice how this separation or divorce was necessary for you to discover things about yourself for your personal growth and evolvement. With this newfound self-awareness, you can now forgive* yourself and your partner and heal on a deeper level to become the person you have always aspired to be.
* Forgiveness is not about them or condoning what they did. It is about healing yourself so that you can move forward in your life with peace and joy.
Are you struggling with your divorce or separation? If you would like help in finding your peace and joy, contact Therapy With Carol now.